I like to imagine that I am like most new teacher candidates, excited to be coming to the end of a long and challenging program and finally getting to be fully in charge of a class of students who have come to recognize me as the professional-in-training that I am.
I did, however, realize one thing that was different: I was probably sweating the entire thing way too much. This is something I likely would have kept to myself, save for the fact that my endocrinologist thought I was really overthinking the stress factors of student teaching on my type 1 diabetes. She assured me that well planned snacks, deep breathing, and the acquisition of a new Dexcom sensor would go a long way to assuaging my fears. My diabetes-related concerns might be the most unique aspect of my worrying, but the other came from the outside and I allowed it to become internalized, at least briefly. This negativity was generated by others' responses to my clinical placement at Green Run High School. I myself attended First Colonial High School many years back, and have deeply explored this other school since then. In general, people who are not involved in public education, or those who themselves went through Green Run High School as students, had few kind words share about the school. I spent the last two weeks or so (since receiving my placement assignment) mulling over these comments and rather than doing what I should have done in the first place--balk at the snap judgements and go and do some research myself--I chose to accept what others had to say with little question. Why did I do this? My best guess is, it's the holidays/end of fall semester/start of spring semester/big changes in my job/brand new challenges in my academic life, and I allowed the stress of all this to interrupt my usual critical thinking process. Without ever meeting my clinical faculty or the students of this school, I accepted the judgements of others without much resistance, and for this I feel some regret. Today, however, after thinking over what my well-meaning doctor had to say and reconsidering my own personal feelings and anxieties, I decided that today was the day I would stop panicking about students teaching. As it turns out, just a little fact-finding led me to discover that both my supervisor and my cooperating practicum teacher both completed their student teaching at Green Run (High and Elementary, respectively). They both had good things to say about the schools and the students, and were honest about the challenges I might face. It was heartening to get real and thoughtful feedback about my placement, and I appreciate them for this. The bottom line is, the basic information I need to do well in the assignment will be covered this Thursday and Friday. Next week I am allowed to contact my clinical faculty and get to know her. Two weeks from now, I will meet my clinical students and begin to get to know them as people. Most of all, I haven't spent the last two and a half years working so hard for nothing; all this time was dedicated to preparing to be an excellent student teacher, and that is exactly what I intend to do. A mindset free of per-judgement and a well-deserved sense of confidence in my own abilities are what everyone here deserves. Starting now, I am setting aside my worries and concerns and will move forward to embrace this final phase of my master's program. No excuses, judgements, and per-conceived notions allowed.
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AuthorTrue stories about teaching and learning in Hampton Roads, VA Archives
May 2016
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